I am thankful for my husband, friends and community.

My mom is in the ICU. She nearly died yesterday. It looks like she will pull through, but it's been a bit stressful in my world.

My husband is simply the most amazing and wonderful, perfectly supportive, fantastic man. He was first on the scene with my mom and stepped in. He has been exactly what I've needed to support me and allow me to support my mom and dad.... and he took me to a RUSH concert tonight that was the best break in my stress level imaginable. He is everything I need and want. I'm so thankful for him.

I stopped by VBS tonight. I am tired, stressed, trying to juggle kids, hospital stays etc. I walked into the church lobby and I was surrounded by friends. No one knew my mom was in the ICU or that I'm feeling pretty maxed. I was greeted with smiles, support, assistance, and hugs. I can't say how much that meant to me. It felt amazing to be so welcomed and accepted. I'm thankful for all the work that has been put into VBS - my kids and the neighbor boy are having a wonderful time. VBS is here at the perfect time to distract them and I just felt loved tonight standing in the church lobby.

I'm thankful for my mom. I'm going to get more time with her. She turned the corner. She was moved to the step down unit from ICU around 10pm. I thought we were going to lose her Monday. I'm not ready yet, so I'm thankful for as many more days as we get. I'm hopeful there will be many.

I'm also thankful for my knowledge. I wonder how people who don't understand healthcare manage. I'm grateful for my education and my occupation. The opportunity to have gone to school and obtained my license. I feel so fortunate.

I'm heading to bed. For those friends of mine who were there at VBS and also read this blog... thanks for making a difference in my day today. I think you ladies are fabulous!!

Better Day!

Today I made steps toward work change! Change is always hard and this feels a little bit like quitting. I'm not a quitter, but in this case - walking away is the right choice. This work situation is toxic.

So - I started the steps today to transfer to a different department and it feels great!! It feels fantastic, I have a plan. The plan feels right. Feels good. I have hope.

It's been years and years - I can't even remember the last time - that I have been tied up in knots inside. Sick to my stomach and butterflies. I thought I might even puke at one point - all surrounding my work. It has even affected my sleep and it certainly has affected my family and the quality of my off work time. It's not worth it. It's good to have a plan.

I just had the best conversation with my daughter. She wanted to sit in the chairs that face each other and have a talk about her birthday in the fall. I think she is really going to be someone that I enjoy as she grows up and once she is grown. I'm so thankful for her.

1st Day of Summer

Good things today:

The sunshine was fabulous!

My husband is a able to communicate and I love him for that. So many people can't.

My kids are healthy and happy.

All my needs are met. Honestly, lots of the things I consider needs are really wants. I'm fortunate.

It's been a really long day, so...
Kind of a minimal post today, but that's all I have in me at present.
I will go to sleep remembering that the good is there and I am thankful for it.

Dinner with friends

1)Dinner with another couple. It doesn't often happen. Certainly not at the last minute and it's hit or miss as to how it goes. Tonight we unexpectedly ended up over at another couples house for dinner. It was really nice. Very comfortable company which is unusual for the first time you get together with. It was very pleasant.

2)Social settings always reminded of how much I adore my man. I love seeing him like that. We are such home bodies and with his travel, most of his home time is just that.. at home. I find him so charming, funny and smart. It's just really fun to hang out with him socially.

3)I got 92% on my midterm. I'm fine with it. Perfectly.

4)I get to go crawl into my bed and snuggle my man and sleep soundly. What a simple luxury I usually take for granted.

5)Shelly - you're pictures made me want a day at the beach something fierce!! Thanks for sharing.

Friday is over. The weekend is here.

My kids are finally all out of school for the summer.

I'm able to go to sleep with my husband tonight which always makes the day a good one.

My eldest child has proven to be a mature, helpful, loving young man who really stepped up this week.

It was sunny today and lovely.

I have my midterm this weekend that I need to study study study for.

I am so thankful that I'm able to live my life and share it with my husband and my kids.

I am grateful. I'm exhausted and I'm able to go crawl into a nice bed with an even nicer man. It's good. There happens to be the cutest little girl all sleepy in my bed too. She's good for cuddling. See? Life is amazing.

The ER and a few other moments.

1) I visited the ER last night at my hospital. I used to work there. It was very affirming. It makes me feel liked. Mom and I were taken directly back. Treated promptly. The MD knew me, the nurses knew me and my mom felt like a queen. Now, I personally feel like this particular ER gives their best to any patient who comes through the door, but my mom and dad think it's all because of me. I try to tell them, but they don't listen. Anyways - It felt good. It felt good to be acknowledged, welcomed and respected. I miss my ER days some. We got in and out very promptly (Mom's fine) and I was asleep by 2am. 6am came early and this afternoon makes the nap I can not take right now a worthy dream.

2)I worked in the same day surgery area of surgical services today. I worked with patients. It was a blast. I think I might even miss patients. It felt amazing to be making a difference in their day.

3) My house is full of extra kids this afternoon. It's loud, crazy and good. I love when my kids are all home.

4)Shakespeare: He's our amazing, coolest, declawed, indoor, fraidy cat. He prefers to be where we are at any given time. He also makes the rounds before bed. He will go snuggle each of the kids and then Steven and I and now mom too. Then he chooses a place to sleep - it varies from room to room. He loves us all. He's the coolest cat I've ever had and even Steven likes him a little (which really says how cool he is.)

My mother texts me at work asking if I've seen him. It would appear he got locked out last evening and spent the night outside. With our ER adventure no one noticed he was missing til this morning. We have coyotes and other nasties that come out at night and I'm immediately in tears. The 4 hours of sleep and no breakfast probably didn't help my emotional stability any. The last time he got out he only came when I called. Well, I called as soon as I got home from work and he came again today. He was filthy and scared and I didn't care. I was just thankful. Thankful that he's home, in one piece and asking for hugs. (He head butts until I pick him up then he buries his head in my neck with a paw on each side of my neck.)

5) I'm excited about some landscaping. I've walked the property with two companies so far. They have interesting ideas and thoughts. I'm looking forward to them offering up some bids and seeing how much of it we can actually get done. Happy Dance for a cleaned up property!

Responsibility

This is what I made this evening. I am going to hang it up in my office. I think it's pretty, calm, and a good message. I hope people get it.

It's not my words. They are from Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. (Yes, Although we are both named Jill and I will also have a doctorate to call my own someday, that's not why I like her message) She wrote a book called My Stroke of Insight that I plan to read, she gave a TED talk about ber experience, but mostly she just put it out there:

You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy that you bring to others.

I LOVE THIS! I'm posting my little homemade reminder in my office in the morning. I'm hoping that people react POSITIVELY!

Today was a good day. School this morning - work this afternoon - kid snuggles this evening.

I have my midterm this week and I'm right on the edge of an A to an A-. This particular teacher drops you to an A- at 95%. Makes getting the ever desired A rather difficult, but I'm chasing it anyways. Any points matter - so I will be studying this week! Shelly - send some of your 100% my direction. *grins

I'm getting bids on some landscape clean up this week too. I have to admit to being really excited about the idea of getting some order to the outdoors. I might even have to buy a lawnmower. I was anti grass when we moved in here, but the weeds are just so persistent and grass is an affordable alternative. Maybe one of the landscapers will be brilliant and have a great alternative. *crosses fingers. I really just wish we could go ahead and put on the deck and such. All in good time.

It's sleepy time for me... sweet dreams.

New Plan for work

Go In To Work Early!

If I go into work early, then I get to leave early. This has two effects. One - I only have to be around negative energy for about 1-2 hours that way. Just when she's getting rolling I'm on my way out the door. That works for me. Second - I was home at 11am today and I felt like I had the day off work!! It was awesome. I accomplished a lot of stuff that has been needing attention.

I had a REALLY terrific, feel good about what I got done, day.

I TIVO all of my TV that I choose to watch. I have an aversion to commercials, so I have made fast friends with my DVR (that really isn't a TIVO anymore) ANYWAYS.... I recorded the Oprah final show awhile back. I'm not a huge Oprah fan, but I've watched from time to time over the years, so I thought I'd see what she had to say for her last show. It was an interesting show - she basically shared what she has learned from the people in her audience and her guests over the years. There was one thing in particular that I found really fascinating and inspiring. She had a guest on the show years ago that had had a traumatic brain injury and was talking about the energy that people give off as they came and went from her hospital room. Happy, Sad, Negative, Competent, Indifferent. She couldn't speak or communicate or see, but she could tell what and who was in her room by their energy. She said everyone gives off energy and that we are responsible for our own energy and it's message. Now, don't think I'm all new age-y or anything but I totally get what she's talking about. When you interact with people you are impacted by their energy. The negative people can bring you down, the happy people can bring you up, the optimists can change your mind. I think most people are unconscious of their energy footprint. We don't realize how our energy spills over to those around us.

Well - I'm going to try to surround myself with positive energy. If I'm around people who cannot seem to find a positive thought - I will counter their negative energy with my positive thoughts and comments. I am choosing to be cheerful and positive. I don't want to be anything else.

Lovely weekend

What a beautiful weekend! Amazing sunshine, the kids have gotten along so far without a single real fight. It has been relaxing, nap filled, peaceful and restorative.

I'm going to call some landscape companies this week to get some bids. I have been trying to 'get to it' since we moved in 18 months ago now. It's not happening and I think it's just too big of a job to do by myself. So - I'm going to get some bids and see if I can get some weed control and some neatness in our outdoor space accomplished. I'm excited by the idea. I'll take some before and after pictures.

I also have my midterm coming up this week. I want to do really well on it so I'll be busy studying this week. It should be a good week.

Anyone have some creative ideas for Father's Day? My husband is so deserving of something fun and special. **Thinking**

The Crud

I'm sick. I don't get sick very often or easily. All those years of working in an ER I suppose. However - sick I am. I still have good things about this day tho:

1) I was mostly in my office alone today and I got a lot done.
2) My husband and my eldest took care of all the chores today. They took care of me. They allowed me to just crawl into bed when I got home. My honey even gave me a back rub to help me relax. It is so amazing to be loved by the men in my home. My nap was lovely.
3) I had some really nice quality time with E this afternoon going to his drum lessons. I just really enjoy him and he cares about me deeply. He showed awareness and tried to take care of me too. He has good examples.
4) I love that my best friend called. Just because I'm loved.
5) The day is rounded out with Elleri all snuggled up with me in my bed. She buries her head onto me and tells me I'm the most 'comfortable thing ever'. I'll take it.

gOOD dAY

My day started at 4am this morning. I was showered and at work starting my day by 5am. It felt amazing .... for the first few hours anyways... I got a full 4 hours of work in that were really productive. I was starting to feel the 5 hours of sleep and early start but then I ran off to the zoo with my precious baby girl. I 'chaperoned' on her field trip and get this - best chaperone day ever on a field trip - I only had my own child. We were teamed up with a friend of Elleri's and that little girl's mom. I liked her - she was fun, the girls had no drama - it was a great field trip. Great weather, cute animals. I like their new exhibit and fell in love with the Caracal cat. So pretty - here's a googled pic - but the one hanging out at the zoo today was stunning.

Elleri had a fun day. When I thanked her for inviting me to the zoo with her, she said.. I just wanted you mommy. *happy mom* Too sweet.

I went back to work this afternoon and was again crazy productive. My grumpy co-worker was even happy with me for once lately. Sigh.

Now I'm home - my kids are tucked in and kissed on. I'm heading to bed. I am going to be having early starts as a routine from here on out. We'll see if it helps the office tension.

Here's some pics of Elleri at the zoo:

This is our self portrait - not the best picture, but we look happy. I like happy.

It's felt like Sunday ALL day!

I didn't go to real work today. Therefore - it's been Sunday in my head all day. This morning seems really far away too. We started early heading into the oral surgeon's office for Elleri's extractions. Babygirl did fabulous. Then home, set up mom's room since the paint is dry and get ready for family to arrive. Spent the afternoon hanging out with my 4 cousins. I haven't seen them in years and years. It was awesome! I love them all so much and have such great memories of them in my childhood. It was just great to spend time with them. This evening, Elleri and I snuggled on the couch with the cat curled up and Ethan on the other side. It was a wonderful parent moment. This week is crazy busy. I'm hoping that I remember to go to school in the morning since it feels like Sunday night right now. I hope I don't forget.

It was great to be home today. I wish I could be a full time, stay home mom. I think I'd stay busy and happy. I could get the yard cleaned up, the pictures hung, the laundry room cleaned up. It seems so appealing. Is the grass always greener? I have much to be thankful for in spite of having to go to work. I'm going to work on appreciating the green grass under my feet. I bet I might even find a flower or two mixed in.

Electricity and other good stuff

1) I rushed off to work this morning to do patient care. Yep - I actually took care of patients today. It was nice. Great family to work with and she was sick so there was lots for me to do. Felt good again. it also made me really grateful for my normal flexible hours. There is normally no stress about getting out of the house if I am running 15 mins late for not. If I get in a bit later - I work a bit later. It all works out. Patients need you to be there when you're supposed to be. Just a different morning dynamic that made me appreciate my normal flexibility.

2) I left electricians at my house. They were pulling some outlets for us. I just love anything to do with construction. I adore the process. It was exciting to come home to change.

3) My husband. AMAZING. He spent quite a bit of time today doing my chores so when I came home from work today I could have a relaxing evening. I know - most people thing chores are a shared thing - most things are - but laundry and dishes are a clear division. I do all the laundry. I don't fuss about picking up clothes where ever they land. I make sure his drawers and closet are full of clean and ready clothes. He, on the other hand, does all the dishes. I don't even have to clear my spot at the table. He will come home from trips sometimes to several days in the sink and he utters not a word, just cheerfully does the dishes while I unpack his suitcase. It works for us and there is rarely a variance. Today - he folded, washed, put away, did it all. I came home to a beautiful clean room rather than the one that was full of laundry - clean and dirty - I was behind on. True Love.

4) So You Think You Can Dance - anybody watching?!?! It's going to be good this year - next week starts Vegas week. We LOVE this show!

Torrential Downpour

I LOVE it when it just pours! I love the sound of it on the roof, I love the look of it through the windows. When Jake and I lived in Costa Rica six months of the year is the 'wet season' and six months of the year is the 'dry season'. The wet season was beautiful weather per normal except for between 2p-4p. During those two hours the skies would open, these huge rain drops would pour down, thunder and lighting everywhere, the streets would have flash rivers running down them... it was phenomenal. Then it would stop, the sun would come back, the blue sky would shine and the day would continue. Jake and I always tried to be home when the deluge started. We would sit on our covered patio in a rocking chair. We would count the seconds between the lightening and the thunder, we would watch the water pour down, we would cuddle and chat. They were precious moment. This afternoons downpour took me back. I love that little boy. He just grabbed me and wrapped me up in a huge man hug. He's not so little anymore, but I'm thankful that he still loves to snuggle.

I was going to post pictures of Jake and I in Costa Rica on the porch, but my husband and my boy want to snuggle and watch So You Think You Can Dance. So - I'm off. Pictures can wait for another day. HappY JunE!