Back at it.

Good things today.

1) My teacher gave credit for two questions I got wrong on the last exam for being a poorly worded question. That brought my score up to 49/50. HAPPY. I'll take every point I can get.

2) Good day at work and school today.

3) Elleri learned to ride a bike without training wheels this afternoon and I got to be there to see it.

4) My husband worked magic on my grandmother's computer. It's not his magic skills that make me so happy, but his love and respect of my grandmother and my mother. He treats my family like they are his. I love him for this.

Here's a picture of Elleri on her bike and a picture of my favorite plant in my yard right now. They both make me happy.

It's a new week.

Thanks for your prayers. I felt them. I appreciated the private messages too. Things are better. I'm better. Mom's doing better.

1) It was a very very busy weekend, but thanks to my friend Lexi (she brought a bed, mattress and a full set of adorable linens, down comforter and pillows) and her husband Kent (who came with a truck full of saws, his tool belt and years of expertise. My mom now has a private space with a door and can call it all her own. She is loving it! We still need to go some drywall taping and painting and get some electric pulled (scheduled for Thursday) and then she can fully move in. She is happy, relaxed and seems very content. That makes it all worth it.


2) I was on call for the first time since January. Call pay used to easily be 50% of my income and when life got upended in January I quit taking call. I started my new job, mom got diagnosed, I started grad school and I just didn't have emotional or logistical room for it. Now, here it is the end of May. I have finally started to look up and look around. I haven't balanced my checkbook or played with our finances since January. My husband's income has been regular this spring and it was perfect timing to not have to worry about that piece. However - I have finally started looking ahead and realizing that sooner than later that call income will be missed. So, I worked call. It was great actually. I had forgotten just how validating it is to make call back pay. It feels great. I admit - I am very motivated by money. I love making it. I am also reminded that I'm good at my job. It feels good to be proficient at something.

3) Week three of school is done. 25% finished and holding at 96%. I'm trying to decide how many classes to take Fall term. How long do I want to be in school? What am I willing to decrease time on to make room for classes? I'm currently registered for 10 credits. That's considered full time for grad school. Steven will probably be travelling again come fall. I just don't know. I may need to just do 6 or 8 credits. I have such a tendency to jump in with great intent and bite off more than I should. I would take 18 credits if I could because from 10-18 the cost is the same. That's 8 'free' credits. I know I can't handle work, kids, mom and 18 credits. At least I know my limits.

4) I am so proud of my eldest. I just like him. It takes a big person to hear a criticism,choose to listen, absorb the information and then make change. He has done this in a couple areas and I'm so pleased with him.

5) I had some great quality time with my man yesterday. I'm thankful for him. He makes me so very happy on so many levels. He exceeds my expectations on a daily basis. He has been so supportive and completely wonderful. Thank you baby.

My goal for this week is to get my school paper and quiz done and turned in before the weekend. I want to hang out with my man on Saturday and then Sunday I want to paint and finish up my mom's new room. I'd like to do it all without having school work hanging over my head. So, I'm going to get busy and see if I can get my paper written today. I hope we all have a good week!

PS - I was digging into my reading material for this week and there is only 80 pages of material!!! Last week was 380 pages, so this feels easy! Yeah!

I need prayer.

Please send up a prayer for me today. I just don't know if I can succeed at being the person I need to be. My mom is moving in. My dad can't seem to be the person he should be, so my mom is moving into the house. My husband is amazing, the kids are okay. I'm having a hard time. I can deal with the displacing, the remodeling, the re-purposing, the intrusion,constant presence and many doctor's appointments. I am not dealing well with the fact that person that I'm caring for is quickly not my mom. My husband once said that his mom was 'gone' several years before she died. I understood it at the time, intellectually. I get it now. I wish I didn't.

I don't hide my feelings. I've never taken the time to learn the social grace of masking myself. If I'm feeling it or thinking it, you will know because you can see it on my face or I will tell you straight up. I'm finding myself getting frustrated and short tempered with my mom. She can't keep up mentally anymore - chemo side effects are evil. She still wants to be helpful - it's what she lives for, the feeling of being needed. I do need her. I need the old her. I don't want her to see my frustration or my sadness. She knows me so well. I want to respect and honor her. I want her to feel loved and wanted. I could use a couple extra prayers.

Tuesday - a little bit of sunshine

Hi! It's ultimately been a good day.

My class went great this morning. Even got out a bit early. There was a moment of sunshine I enjoyed on one of the breaks.

My kids are well even though I didn't get home until after dinner time because I had to work after class.

The best part of my day... well two things actually - my husband told me on the phone that he had been thinking of me and feeling all full up of loving, romantic thoughts about me. He also texted me that he's glad I'm the mom of his kids. This man is the perfect man for me. The other thing is my 16 year old just asked me if I would snuggle and watch a TV show with him. I love love love that my teen wants to spend time with me.

Here's a picture of my office. So now you can picture me at work. Below that is a beach in Thailand. This is where I would like to be instead of work. Smiles.

Lots to be happy about today.

It's an interesting process to sit down and process all the good out of my day because I spent a good deal of it in tears and angry to the point of shaking. However, there was good and that's what I'm choosing to focus on.

1. Ethan got braces on today!! He's only 9, but it needed to happen to correct his bite. He did fantastic and is rather proud of himself. I think he's so cute. He's certainly growing up and he's making great strides with his behavior and processing. I'm simply proud of him.

2. After two weeks in grad school my average is 96%. That's an A. Anything below 95% is an A- in this class so I don't think I'll be feeling over confident any time soon. I'll take the A though. I so appreciate my husband for being so supportive and creating the time for me to get the studying in. There's something really amazing about a man who makes you a priority. It feels fantastic. Thank you baby.

3. Beverages - I am kicking my caffeine habit. I had one cup of green tea today. No soda, no black tea, nothing but water and the lone cup of green tea. I always feel better when I'm simply a water drinker. I need to feel as good as I can, so here we go. I hate breaking a caffeine habit but the results will be worth it.

4. I also decided today to remove sugar and simple carbs. I'm tired of myself. So - today I just decided I was finished with my habits. I am really proud of myself too because I ended up at Burgerville, Wendy's and the bakery today. I purchased what I was there for other peoples but I did not get anything for myself. I came home and made my self a healthy food choice. It's been a long time since I've found that level of self control, so I'm going to celebrate it for today. Today I have eaten well. I have been healthy and respected myself. I feel good about it.

5. I was having a moment today. A moment of tears and anger and frustration - I ended up talking to my friend Lexi. I don't see Lex very often, she lives south of the river and around the bend. We joke that I live in Canada and she lives in Mexico because sometimes it feels just that far away. However, today when I really needed it, Lexi understood. She stepped up and took care of me. Right when I was feeling overwhelmed as a caregiver and hating the situation, she helped me step back, take a fresh look, and offered to take some of the load. I'm so thankful for friends.

6. I can go to bed early and since my caffeine withdrawal is in full swing, bed sounds amazing!! We're doing some remodeling so that my mother can have a private space to call her own. So, I'll need my energy!

Craaaazy day today!

This was the busiest - run aroundest day I have had in a long time. I went to work, clocked in, worked, left for something, returned, clocked back in... three times. Yep - three. I took the kidlets to the orthodontist. Ethan ends up needing to be bracketed asap, so Monday it is. That's a check I wasn't planning for, but I'm all about fixing things if there's a problem. Elleri is getting some baby teeth pulled. She'll be facing serial extractions until her teeth are all in. Sigh. Okay - positive and thankful.... we have a very talented orthodontist and I'm certain the kids will look amazing when they are done. We can come up with the money even though it wasn't what was planned. Ethan's headgear wearing will happen outside of school hours. There. That's three positives about that. It's a good habit I"m trying to create here.

On a totally happy side - tonight was Gallery Night at the kids school. I absolutely LOVE this night. It's my favorite school program of the whole year. The art program at their school is strong and the kids work on projects all year long then on gallery night they have the walls plastered with art and you walk through like a gallery. They have the BGHS jaz choir singing, craft and art projects for the kids to do, they have local artists with their art and showing the kids what you can do with what they are learning. I think every school should have a Gallery Night.

I always take pictures of the kids with their masterpieces because I'm not a paper saver. Here's some of them to share. My kids are so proud of their work.



Ask Elleri about Monet - they learn art history and appreciation as well as art skills. She's taught me a thing or two. Ethan's 'Monet Lily' was collaged with all the other kids lilies and pads to make a Monet like picture. I wish I'd take a photo of the whole thing - it was really cool. They work with all sorts of mediums and papers. It's a great program.

This is Elleri's 'Picasso Cat'. In the theme of the artist they were studying.



Each classroom had an insect and there was a BIG insect and then little ones for each kid. Ethan's class had ladybugs.

The best moment of my day is the fact that my man is home. Life is best when he's near. I'm sleepy and heading to bed. Hope you all had a good day too.

Where'd Sunday and Monday go?!

Well - I know where Sunday went. I spent the whole day - and I mean the entire day with my nose in my studies. It paid off and my weekend assignments netted me good grades. Those ever important grades sure do speak to me. It makes all the time worthwhile see my favorite vowel. SO Sunday was good, good for my soul. I so appreciate my husband for doing EVERYTHING. He ran total buffer between my kiddos and myself, he fed me, he met my every need so I could put in the required time. I am certain that completing this degree, getting the grades, it's all going to be the result of a family effort. After week one - I know there's no way I can accomplish this without my husband and kid's support and help. I'm thankful that everyone is supportive.

Monday was a work day. What I am thankful for is that my work went so fast that I got home early and had most of the day at home. I got laundry done, some much needed budgeting and planning, spent some quality time with my man, was home when the kids got home from school - it was all good.

Today is Tuesday. I started my day with class - then went to meet up with Elleri at a field trip. There's something really special about your child being so excited to see you. Makes my heart smile. Then I was heading into work and got a call that the computer system was done. This means that I can't do any work at work, so I headed home and I am blessed with almost 3 hours of no little kid quite. I LOVE those moments at home. I'm not alone, but it's quiet. Happy sigh.

I'm off to start my studies for this next week. I have 1 week down. I have 11 more weeks, 11 more quizzes and 11 more case studies in addition to midterm, final and presentation. My reading for this week is just under 300 pages - and I thought 180 for last week was bad! At least Steven is home this week so I'll be able to focus sooner in the week. I'm just feeling so thankful that I have the opportunity to do this. I am able to go to school and further my profession. I also found out today that my employer will pay for part of my tuition. Only a couple thousand a calendar year, but that's worth filling out a form for.