History in Pictures

You know how anorexics have a body image that is completely different than their reality? They view themselves in their mind and images as fat even when they are skeletal. Their brain doesn't accept their actual body as fact.

Well, I have that problem. Kinda. The difference between me and anorexia is that I don't envision myself fat. I don't picture myself in my head as a fat person. I don't spend much time in front of mirrors and I'm always startled when I get a full length glimpse. It's a series of: 'who is that?', 'is that really what I look like?', etc. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, I still have lots of confidence and self-esteem most of the time, but on the other, increased awareness might help me make better choices. Hmm.

I started going through pictures this evening. I LOVE my pictures. I have hundreds from before digital cameras all lined up in photo boxes, begging to be looked at from time to time. I decided to share my body's journey in pictures. This is probably more an exercise for me to attempt to recognize my current self and also to be realistic about what my goals are. I sincerely doubt I'll ever achieve that 18 year old self, no matter how much I'd like to.


Yep - That's the 18 year old self. My best friend was pregnant with her first in this picture.



Age 20. I still liked my ass then.



Age 22. That is my dog Brea. She was amazing.



February 1995. I was 24 and 5 days shy of meeting Jake Baby himself. What an amazing God experience my pregnancy was. He left me no doubt on the hard days that His plan was perfect and an amazing gift. I gained 75 lbs. Jake was worth every one of them.



June 1996. Jake just over a year old. I was 25. I'd lost some of my pregnancy gained weight but not most of it.


January 1997. (Age 26) These next two pictures were taking in the first month of our year in Costa Rica. I'd regained all of the weight I'd lost and added a bit more. (Note my weight/appearance here and compare that to what I look like in the next couple pictures.)



September 1997.

The one above and the one of Jake below were both taken in September 1997. I love how blonde Jake's hair got sometimes in the year round sunshine.



December 1997. This was taken at the airport right before we flew home. I'd lost 70lbs there in Costa Rica over the year. Healthy, fresh, home cooking and we walked everywhere. Lots of sleep and no stress. It looks good on me. *grin

Summer 1998. Walla Walla, WA.

Could he be any cuter?

September 1998. About a year after we came home. I was keeping the weight off.

These next four pictures are Spring 1999. We were in Mexico at the time. We were there for 3 months that trip if I remember correctly.





This next picture is Jake and I at Camp MiVoden when I was camp nurse the summer of 2000.


Then I met a boy I liked. We dated for a very short while. Jake liked him too. Jake took this picture of Steven and I.


So, we got married. December 21, 2000.


And went on a honeymoon. I love that my husband loves me all sizes.


This picture is funny to me because we later realized that I had conceived Ethan earlier that day. It's taken July 4th, 2001.


Well, the body image journey gets more difficult from here. I was pregnant with Ethan and was still breastfeeding when I got pregnant with Elleri. I don't lose weight with breastfeeding, I'm one of the 'lucky' percent who hold on to weight to support the breastfeeding. So, add another pregnancy on top of the first and that equals a very overweight me. Elleri is 7 now. I don't think I can blame my weight issue on the pregnancies any longer. The pictures are far and few in between from this point on. That fact alone tells me that I'm more aware than I acknowledge.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures.