A Day for me

Well, I'm down more weight this morning. Exciting!

I went out yesterday. I went down into Portland. Bopped around, shopped, lunched, visited, discovered Teavana, got kidnapped and successfully sold products in the Nordstrom's cosmetic area. (You should see me - I have a 'glow' about me - even Jacob commented.) I have to laugh, but it does make a difference. I intended to get a pedicure too, but ended up just visiting through the evening with an old friend. It was an amazing day. Best day I've had in a really long time.

I didn't break off my healthy eating plan. I wasn't even tempted for more than a momentary second. It was amazing. I felt pretty, I felt healthy, I felt successful and proud. Perhaps the glow isn't from the eye cream and tinted moisturizer after all.

PS - Shelly - you have to find time to come try this new Chai tea I discovered. Oh my it's amazing! I Love Teavana!

cravings and critters

I'm down 5 pounds this morning. It feels good to finally be making some progress. I still have a couple more pounds heavier than where I was when I started this blog in January, but I'm taking it as a success. I'm also a total of 14 inches decreased overall since the first of January.

I'm doing something a bit different this time round. I have been reading and studying - trying to figure out why I get such intense sugar and carb cravings when I try to reduce them in my diet. It feels like a drug addiction to me. I can't think of anything else and it makes me almost frantic. I have been really frustrated and self critical of myself over this these past few months. In my reading I've learned that you can have an overgrowth of Candida/Yeast in your GI tract and that when you cut out sugar/carbs it results in crazy sugar and carb cravings. The yeast is trying to eat and when you take away it's food source it goes crazy. It's a parasite. It sounds disgusting. I think it is disgusting, but I have to say - I've started treating for GI yeast with medication. I'm not having cravings. Hardly at all. I'm happy with my salads and healthy choices. I'm not obsessing about food. I'm eating when I'm hungry. I even went out to eat last night and passed up the basket full of white bread with out even a moments hesitation or desire.

I'm making some assumptions because I don't really want to pay for the test for it. However some of the symptoms of GI yeast overgrowth are:

1. Gas and Bloating
2. Brain Fog
3. Infections
4. Fatigue
5. Sugar and Carbohydrate Cravings

It all fits and seems plausible. I feel so different. I'm hopeful. I feel in control and able to make the choices I need to. Maybe, just maybe I can get on track now. *happy sigh

My Man

I just have to share that my husband is amazing. It's incredible to me that he chose me. He loves me as I am. It matters not to him if I'm younger, older, thinner, heavier, happy or sad. He accepts me wherever I am. He makes me feel beautiful and amazing on a daily basis. That kind of love and acceptance is a treasure. When I am feeling down on myself, his opinion of me carries me through. When I'm weak, he keeps me strong. I never feel as beautiful as I do when I'm with him. I don't know what I did to land him, but I'm so thankful on a daily basis that I'm with him. He's the best husband, father and friend. He is so smart, funny, loving and kind. He's patient and thoughtful. He's attentive and real. I love him. I'm happy with him. I appreciate him. I'm thankful to share my life with him.

New Day One

Sunday was DAY ONE - again. Steven is home for the next couple weeks and we are both dropping into a very healthy eating plan. We both have some goals for the what to accomplish over the next couple weeks. Mine are to lose 7 pounds and get under 250 lbs. I also want to start the habit of rising earlier and getting some exercise to start off my days. I am also hoping to eliminate my sugar cravings. Sunday went great. Good eats and not too bad on the cravings. We even went to a movie and were successful at passing up the popcorn and candy. I'm proud of myself today. My alarm is set to get up for am exercise. We've even talked to Ethan about exercising with us in the morning as a way to get past the obstacle that he wakes when we get up. We'll see how that goes. I'm feeling positive and motivated.

For Suzanne -
Thanks for the compliments on my clean house. However, just to keep it honest - (whispers...I have a housekeeper). So...I can't take much credit for the clean house. Those pictures were taken on the day she comes. In fact, I can prove that it is often a very lived in house and much in need of the housekeeper's visit.

I admit that I struggle with having a housekeeper. I tell myself: I can do it, the kids need to learn to do it and it costs too much money. I've gone without help for months and find that since I work so much, what time I do have at home is spent cleaning, fussing at the kids and not enjoying being home. When the house gets cleaned every week it frees me up to come home from work and just savor the moments. For me, that makes it worth the money.

I still need to teach the kids to clean up though. Elleri just recently complained about having to pick up her toys when asked. She said 'I wish we had a maid'. I laughed and explained that we do. She says, 'yes, but I want her to pick up my toys too.' I sat her down and explained what her chore list would be like if our housekeeper didn't come every week. Elleri quickly picked up her toys and had little more to say about it except thank you. Teaching them will be a work in progress. I'm so grateful to have a clean house. I find it more relaxing and more pleasant to be home. I also say thank you every week.

Here's my proof that I just happened to take pictures on a good day.





Yes, it's really evident that my desk and laundry are the two most difficult to keep clean and sorted. Not having a garage yet makes a huge impact on the laundry room I've found. I'll get both cleaned up one of these days. There have been several times that the housekeeper can't even begin to clean the laundry room or find my desk to dust it. *grins

Positive or Nothing?

So, I don't know what to do. I'm still new to blogging.

What am I supposed to do when I can't seem to find anything positive to say. Do I share? Do I write what's on my mind? It's not very pretty this week. I know you all would be supportive, but there's nothing anyone can do. So, do I be Debbie Downer? Any of you who know me at all know that I'm really bad a pretending or being anything other than what I am at the moment. So, I've been quiet.

I've rearranged furniture. I've cried. A lot. I've eaten comfort foods. I've listened to music. (Suzanne - do you know that I pull up your blog into a background window just so I can listen to your playlist? Thanks for sharing great tunes!) I've played in the dirt with my starts and even planted some tulips because those things usually make me happy. (Shelly- I haven't looked at them this morning yet. I'm scared they will be all droopy from the freeze too. Sigh. I'm ready for a real spring and summer this year.)

I'm going to share pictures of my new living room/dining room configuration. In an effort to quit fighting with my kids over where they eat, I rearranged. The kids want to watch TV while they eat. This is fine with me (except when we are having family breakfast or dinner). However, the food spillage in the living room makes me a crazy, horrible parent. They can't seem to stop spilling, in spite of their promises. I can't seem to let go of my need to not have food stains on my furniture. So, I moved the table. Now they can eat at the table and see the TV. I'm surprised how much I like it. I don't really have any before pictures, but the two chairs that are now a 'sitting area' in the dining area off the kitchen traded places with where the table is now.



This next picture is special to me. These are the moments I hope my kids remember.



Well, they are a little droopy, but I think they will make it.







I'm sitting here thinking that the rabbits water probably froze last night too, so I'm off to go take care of them and enjoy the sunshine that is shining bright. My man comes home today. I'll cling to that. I'm home from work unexpectedly yesterday and today. I plan to make the most of it.

Reasons

I'm at risk for: diabetes, high blood pressure, joint failure, heart attacks/arrhythmias, many cancers. You rarely encounter obese old people with any quality of life.

I have three children.

I want to know my grandchildren.

I will feel better about myself.

I will feel better in general.

I will be able to pick up things off the floor without difficulty.

I will look better in clothes.

My head will be clearer - perhaps I'll be a bit smarter.

I'll have more energy.

I'll be less emotional and more even tempered.

I'll be a better mother.

I'll be able to be an example of healthy living to my kidlets.

I'll handle life's stresses better.

Find myself again and be proud of myself.

I want my kids and my husband to be proud of me, not embarrassed.

Elleri would love it if I felt like wearing a dress.

I could shop in 'normal people' stores.

I wouldn't be driven by food anymore - maybe even not have cravings.

More energy - did I mention I want more energy?

I think I need to see a shrink to figure out what my problem is. It has to all be in my head. Sigh. There are plenty of REALLY good reasons. I know what to do. I even know how to make it happen. Yet, I don't do it. I don't make it happen. Maybe hypnosis. Maybe I'll just clean out my pantry.

Eat adequate protein at every meal.
Eat within an hour of waking.
Eat healthy fats.
Eliminate all "white" food – refined sugar, flour, and cereals.
Remember to hydrate.
Eat balanced meals.

If only it were that easy! I suppose this is all the bazillion diet books out there actually say, but I think I need a list to fix what's wrong with my head.

I have been thinking often since Saturday about what obstacles are in my way to succeeding. A good friend of mine shared some thoughts about this topic and I've been pondering it.

So, here's a few of the things that come to mind:

- my own self image hasn't caught up
- too busy taking care of everyone else that I don't make time to take care of me
- weirdly unmotivated to make it a priority (apparently I'd just rather wallow in it)
- being a vegetarian complicates things
- competing demands - for instance, I've been interrupted 100 times just while typing this post so far.
- getting up early to exercise wakes up my middle child who of all of them NEEDS his sleep.
- eating on the run and doing it healthy is really hard
- I hate to cook

wow, there's so many more. I have to run - I have two kids sitting here saying, let's go. More soon.