Please send up a prayer for me today. I just don't know if I can succeed at being the person I need to be. My mom is moving in. My dad can't seem to be the person he should be, so my mom is moving into the house. My husband is amazing, the kids are okay. I'm having a hard time. I can deal with the displacing, the remodeling, the re-purposing, the intrusion,constant presence and many doctor's appointments. I am not dealing well with the fact that person that I'm caring for is quickly not my mom. My husband once said that his mom was 'gone' several years before she died. I understood it at the time, intellectually. I get it now. I wish I didn't.
I don't hide my feelings. I've never taken the time to learn the social grace of masking myself. If I'm feeling it or thinking it, you will know because you can see it on my face or I will tell you straight up. I'm finding myself getting frustrated and short tempered with my mom. She can't keep up mentally anymore - chemo side effects are evil. She still wants to be helpful - it's what she lives for, the feeling of being needed. I do need her. I need the old her. I don't want her to see my frustration or my sadness. She knows me so well. I want to respect and honor her. I want her to feel loved and wanted. I could use a couple extra prayers.
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